SAFE ONLINE DATING

 

I had a session a new client this morning dealing with her feeling of rejection because the man she met online, and has been dating for six weeks disappeared. Disappeared without a trace.  Not contactable. Gone.

Sometimes in the online dating world people are not honourable or honest about what they feel –  they just disappear. You can look at it this way – They’ve done you a favour. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t open, honest or able to communicate how he or she feels.

The one thing I am certain of is this:
If you are needy and desperate to have a relationship you could be setting yourself up for disaster.

In my client’s case she jumped into this new relationship very quickly – without qualifying one very important detail. Did she know enough about him before getting involved?

The next time she meets someone, she will determine whether he is the kind of man who she wants in her future because she will check in with her values and verify he has the same values. She will make sure she feels safe with him and that she can trust him, and that it’s exclusive. SHE WILL TAKE HER TIME – and if he disappears because she isn’t sexually available from early on – GOOD!

Chemistry and Charm are no guarantee that you have a good relationship.  Make sure you know what you are looking for in a prospective partner. Have clearly defined boundaries about how you wish to be treated and how you would like to feel. Confirm that he or she matches the description.

Your ideal partner could be only one click away but its vital to know and be aware there are underhanded, crafty, dishonest and sometimes evil people in the dating world. They prey on the naive and vulnerable.

They are charming, persuasive, and attentive because their main objective is selfish gain. They will pursue you and convince you of their devotion.

I can recall countless stories and experiences of people   being stalked, experiencing financial loss, being emotionally threatened, sexually abused and even murdered. The key is to be discerning to stay safe.  Here are my top three tips for safe online dating:

Tip #1:  When responding to someone online, never give your personal information.  Not your work address, your home address or your surname.  Use a dating name for your profile until you have gotten to know the person well.  Under no circumstances should you disclose your financial information and NEVER give anyone you meet online money or invest in anything they may suggest.  If it sounds too good to be true it usually is.

Tip #2:  Go Slowly.  Never meet anyone you have not spoken to first.  Within a week of text messaging, set up a time to chat on the phone.  This will give you a clearer sense of whether it’s a reasonable match for a meet-up.  If someone is avoiding a voice-to-voice call, it’s a Red Flag.

While chatting, listen carefully for any inconsistencies in actions or behaviour.  When you do arrange a date, make sure a close friend or family member knows where, what time and the name of the person you are meeting.  Never let any new date fetch you or drop home.

Tip #3:  Listen to your gut.  When I question a new client who has experienced a relationship disaster as to whether they had any instinct early on that something was wrong, I nearly always hear the word YES.  Remember that dating is not a relationship.  Creating a relationship takes time.  It’s a good way to get to find someone with whom you are compatible.

Determine whether this person is consistent in their behaviours and that their answers make sense.  Pay attention to the red flags early on that someone may not be legitimate or honest.

Perhaps they want to know all about you but are vague or cagey about sharing details of their own life.  Do they become too attentive, start declaring their love for you, use terms of endearment like “Babe”, “Darling” or “Sweetheart” or within hours or a few days? Do they take a long time to respond to messages or are they only available at very specific hours or days?

Take your time. Stay SAFE, Physically Safe, Emotionally Safe, and Financially Safe.

Protecting yourself is a matter of common sense and the best way to ensure that your dating experience is fun and successful.

Wishing you love and magical kisses
Shelley x

 

How To Get Over Your Ex

As a relationship coach I help singles who are at different stages of their journey.  Many of my clients come to me at the end of a relationship, when they are stuck in the desperate “why has this happened to me?” cycle.  They need to get over an Ex.

Getting over someone is never easy.  You were in the relationship because you valued something or many things about it.  If it ended unexpectedly, this is even harder. The objective is to get over your ex and to heal your heart as soon as possible in order to find someone who is a far better match.

Unfortunately I am not able to wave my wand to take the pain away instantly.  Healing takes time and is a unique process for each individual.  This confusing state of sadness and pain is tough, and only you can decide how long you are going to stay in this state, and when you have had enough.  This will happen when you need to get into a place where your happiness and sense of comfort are greater than your pain and grief.

It is not always possible to get closure on a relationship when it ends, especially if an ex cuts the contact.  You will need to find this closure yourself, and I would like to give you three tips that will help.

1.  STOP LIVING IN THE PAST

It is vital to stop believing that the past was better than the present.  When a relationship ends we tend to let the fantasy about the past lead us believe that everything was happier, better, more fun, and without it we are nothing.

Looking back it is clear to see that your relationships that ended probably had a great beginning.  There was the “stuff” that happened in the middle, and then there was “the end”.  If you look at it objectively and honestly, you will notice that it wasn’t always a bed of roses.  Stop talking about the past as if it was.

2.  SOME RELATIONSHIPS AREN’T MEANT TO LAST FOREVER

Unfortunately some relationships do not have what it takes to go the distance.

Not always forever

The fundamental thing to understand is that you learn so much about yourself from every relationship.  There are always good and bad memories.  Everything you experienced was valuable.  It could be that you have learnt what work you still need to do on yourself.  Perhaps you are more aware of your insecurities or aspects of communication that need more work.  You may have discovered what you really do not want, and what you really do want in a future relationship.

Knowing that there is a purpose to every relationship is the first step to this awareness.  As we become more introspective and dig deeper, this is clear to see.  When it becomes clearer, you will feel more grateful for the time you had together and everything you learned about yourself.  As you do this it’s easier to get out of the pain cycle.

If the relationship really was the right one, it wouldn’t have ended.  One important fact I have learnt over the years of working with hundreds of clients is that there is ALWAYS another opportunity to find love again, and you will end up with someone who much better suited to you.  I have seen this happen time and time again, and I have proven it in my own life when my relationships have ended.

Believe and trust that where you are right now is exactly where you are supposed to be.

3.  SPEND TIME HEALING AND NURTURING YOURSELF

The grieving process is not for the faint-hearted and requires you to be gentle with yourself as you heal your heart again.  This is the time to nurture your body, mind and soul.  Make sure you are feeding your body and giving it the nutrients it needs at this stressful time.

Take time out

Take care of yourself and to put your energy into what makes you feel happy and fulfilled.  Get involved in activities and focus on being present to stop the ever-circling thoughts in your head.  Accept invitations to go out with friends who raise the bar in your life and who make you feel supported and loved.

Do not be tempted to rush out into the dating world again.  It is possible that if you do this before you are ready that you will end up comparing your ex to everyone you date.  You will know you are ready for a new relationship when you wake up loving your life and the space you are in.

Take the time now to do some soul-searching and find the part of yourself who is comfortable with being on your own.

I wish you success in getting through this difficult time.

Your partner in love

Shelley

NOTHING EVER GOES AWAY UNTIL IT TEACHES US WHAT WE NEED TO KNOW

The title to this blog is from Pema Chodron, the American Tibetan Buddhist and teacher.  I have experienced this to be so true – that nothing goes away until we get the lesson.  It just keeps showing up time and time again in our lives.

I work with clients who keep bumping into the same obstacles in relationships – from falling for emotionally unavailable partners, to continually getting involved in emotional rescue operations.

It leaves them feeling disempowered, empty and longing for love.

You cannot “Love” anyone better until you approach love from a state of fullness – and in such a state you will not be attracted to someone who is not physically or emotionally available. I know this because I’ve been there in past relationships.

It is then that you will have learnt the lesson the life always seems to place before you – the lesson of loving yourself enough to only seek and find a healthy love from an emotionally healthy individual because you are in that emotionally healthy place and the healthy boundaries are in place.

Wishing you magical kisses and great love

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LEAP YEAR PROPOSAL – SHOULD YOU DO IT?

February the 29th – the date that legend has it when a woman has the privilege of proposing to a man. This tradition and practice dates back about four centuries.   It continues in our day and once again – Leap Year is upon us.

Information available about the origins of Leap Year proposals points to St Bridget in the 5th century. She lodged a complaint to St Patrick because women had to wait far too long for men to propose to them. He then passed a decree allowing a woman to ask her loved one to marry her on only one day of the year, the 29th of February.

There are other stories about Queen Margaret of Scotland announcing that men would have to pay a fine, if they refused a marriage proposal. Other legends from Northern Europe state that the fine was 12 pairs of gloves and, in some countries, a silk gown.

While the thought of 12 pairs of cashmere-lined, bespoke, leather gloves sounds like a suitable fine in my world, fortunately none of the hundreds of men I have coached has had to reach deep into his pockets to do this.

I have huge admiration for these men having witnessed first-hand the amount of detail some of them have spent ensuring that their own proposals are beautifully co-ordinated – sometimes like a Swiss train schedule so it flows smoothly.

As yet I have not had any of the women I coach ask my advice on marriage proposals. However, because this is Leap Year, the big question ladies is – should you propose to your beloved? If so, what, when and how should you do it?

IS THE RELATIONSHIP WELL ESTABLISHED

Firstly to eliminate the risks of being rejected, – we want to establish that this is a relationship with a solid foundation and that it has the legs to go the distance.

You’ve been dating long enough to have experienced one another’s worst traits, met the families, socialised with friends, discussed the future and what you both want from it as individuals and TOGETHER.

As long as he (or she) loves you and is committed to a future with you and has no issues with marriage, he/she should say yes.

Before answering the question as to whether a woman should propose and when and how should she go about doing this, I decided to conduct a survey. I am thankful to the cross section of men from all professions and trades – including some clients, a couple of good male friends, and an ex-boyfriend – men who readily shared their opinions and answers to help out.

THE RESULTS ARE IN

Stephen was quite emphatic in his reply that he would never want the woman he loved to propose to him. He’s very much the Alpha male and said that it would make him feel like she was taking over. “Heck, I would feel completely emasculated!” he yelped.
This is not about right and wrong. It is important to consider this if your partner fits into the Alpha Male category, perhaps leave the proposal to him.

Neil loved the idea of the woman proposing. “To me, the setting is so important,” he told me. “I love the idea of either a dawn or dusk setting as long as it’s a surprise.” He said he wanted a rich-textured experience followed by a fun event that she knows he would love – a concert, favourite musician or dinner in a beautiful location to consolidate the moment.

Rory thought a jazz club after an intimate kiss would be the ideal time and place. “I love jazz and the romance of the setting. This, together with the heightened emotions from the music would be just perfect,” he told me.

Barry was quite taken back when I asked his opinion, as it had never crossed his mind before. After some thought he replied that the best time for the question to be asked was just as he turned the light off to go to sleep, to followed by a passionate encounter.

Michael was quite in favour of being proposed to by the woman of his dreams.

He said an everyday real-life situation like a supermarket queue would certainly surprise him.

Personally I would opt for a setting that would be emotionally memorable.

Mark is into adventure experiences. “I suggest she pop the question just after a bungee jump when the adrenaline is high,” he laughed.
The detail is in the planning. If you know your man well, you will also know what he likes to do, whether he is a morning or late evening person and what time of day would be best.

When a man is planning to propose to a woman he thinks about it for a long time and women need to appreciate this.

If you have been waiting for Leap Year to do this – you still have time to plan the event.

Think about what would please your beloved. Unexpected is the keyword – don’t tell all your girlfriends beforehand.

I love the moment when Emma from Radio 4’s The Archers proposed to her partner Ed.

Imagine the scene: The lights are turned on and Emma compliments Ed for being an amazing man and a wonderful Father. She says that he succeeds and that’s why she knows he will be an amazing husband too. Ed is completely surprised and says, “What?” Emma replies and says that he knows she loves him and then asks the question: “Will you make me the happiest woman in the world? Will you marry me?”

This scene captures all of the surprise and emotion. Ed ecstatically says YES, again and again and again. Click on the link below to listen to the special moment.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWvmrtXDocw

DOING IT

You might consider heading to a beautiful place with a good view, or an adventurous setting like skydiving, snorkelling, while watching the sun rise over a wilderness, or on safari. A romantic city break you both love such as Prague, Florence or Rome?
If you are very active, a hike up a mountain or hill with a bottle of something amazing to celebrate at the end.
Having been on the receiving side of two marriage proposals in non-memorable settings, I really do suggest that thought and planning go into the detail. Sadly both times I felt somewhat cheated of the magic and excitement of what could have been a truly memorable event

Mark this occasion by arranging something memorable afterwards: dinner with a group of friends, or dinner for two in a favourite place to consolidate the love you feel and last but not least a ring to symbolically tie the knot.

IF HE SAYS NO

Remain calm. It’s not the end of the world. Take a few moments to feel grounded and breathe before you ask him what the reasons are. It could be too early for him in the relationship. He may have some underlying issues you don’t yet know about – perhaps relating to finance, work, or deeper feelings about commitment.

Whatever is discussed, it could be a great moment of illumination and you may be given clarity about whether he is the right partner for you. Perhaps you will ask yourself if it’s worth investing more energy in the relationship, and if it’s time to move on.

To quote Bono: “Marriage is like an act of Grand Madness – you jump off the top of Killarney Hill and discover that you actually can fly”.

Wishing you a lifetime of love and magical kisses

Love

Shelley

 

 

 

 

 

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WHEN TO END A RELATIONSHIP

A few days ago, Caroline contacted me on Facebook with a huge dilemma. She has been dating her boyfriend Max for six months and although they have an enjoyable time together, her gut feeling was that he isn’t “the one”. When she has suggested that they take a break, he always convinced her otherwise.

She enjoys the things they do together and there is great chemistry in their relationship, however there are a number of red flags for her; he reacts very jealously whenever she speaks to anther man., he consumes more alcohol than she is comfortable with and she doesn’t feel prioritised in his life.

Caroline was looking for more clarity about her feelings as she feared making a mistake, either by staying in a relationship that wasn’t beneficial for her or leaving a relationship that was possibly worth keeping.

CONSIDER THIS
The one thing I am certain of after being in relationships myself, dating and coaching the many who have passed through my practice, is that it is vital to always listen to your gut feeling. It’s generally when we don’t listen to our gut or intuition that we make the emotionally and financially costly decisions in a relationship.

Many women, for whatever the reasons, stay in a relationship that is not right. It could be fear of being alone, fear of the financial uncertainty or hanging onto a relationship because there is great chemistry and very little else.

A deeper and long lasting relationship needs much more than chemistry to sustain it. You need to share the same values. Compatible values determine sustainability in a relationship.
You need a deeper connection to be part of the firm foundation to take you into a future together. Connection means that you feel safe in your relationship, knowing you can trust your partner, a sense of belonging and finally you know your partner has your back and you have his back.

How you communicate, and work through issues is another one of the keys to relationship success.

As I stated earlier, listening to your intuition – that gut feeling, is probably your best compass in navigating the path of going into a future with someone, or not.

Here are my top reasons to terminate a relationship:

THREE REASONS TO END YOUR RELATIONSHIP:

1.

The challenges and obstacles you encounter far outweigh the fun. We want to experience fun in our relationships and if it’s hard work all the time we begin to dread being together. Dating a man in a new relationship shouldn’t be difficult. If it is, it’s time to end it.

2.

You have different values and want different things from life. If you are into wheatgrass and he’s into cocaine, you clearly have different values. If you are want different things in life, it’s time to end it.

3.

There is nothing to look forward to. The relationship is not growing and you are merely existing in a space but not sharing. Your partner is not open to getting help to work with you to grow the relationship or blames you for this – it’s time to end it.

BE BRAVE:

It takes courage to step out of a relationship that isn’t right into the uncertainty of being single. After clearing your space you will be ready to attract in the wonderful partner who will make your life sparkle
I encourage you to be brave and strong enough to walk away if you are experiencing the above three reasons and find the delight with another partner who is better suited to you.

When you love yourself more, you do not settle for less than you deserve.

If you enjoyed this blog, please feel free to share it.

Your partner in love
Shelley x

 

I THOUGHT IT WAS FOREVER AND NOW HE’S GONE

“He said he loved me and now he’s gone – after four magical weeks – it felt like I had finally met my partner for life. What happened? I just can’t understand it”

The question above from a heartbroken new client who met the most amazing man and they got together. He completely disappeared after four weeks – no call, no text, no message.

Why does this happen?

The quick answer is because the relationship was based entirely on chemistry. It didn’t have the legs to go the distance and when the chemistry wore off for him – he had to flee. He didn’t feel the same anymore and didn’t have the courage to face this lovely woman and let her know.

If you want a relationship to go the distance you need to take your time to get to know whether this man is really wanting the same thing.

DO NOT get intimately involved too soon. If he really wants a committed relationship – he will be happy for you to take your time to get to know him. It is vital to have the 4 C’s – and Chemistry is just the beginning. Compatibility, Connection and Communication are vital to the success of your relationship.

More about the 4 C’s in the next Blog.

Thoughts?

Wising you love and magical kisses

 

Shelley

YOU HAVE EVERYTHING

Depression

A lazy Sunday morning – my house is very quiet.  My son is away for the weekend, no mess, no noise – oh yes, I love the fact that my student son lives at home – and I also love the solitude and the reflective time I can enjoy when no-one is around.  I slept in this morning, a rare treat.  The torrential downpours made dog walking impossible.  In fact the dogs took to their beds in disgust so I have decided to indulge even more and spent the entire morning cuddled up in my duvet reading a great book. I love my life.  But I haven’t always been in this happy place.

When I finally surfaced and came downstairs to make a late lunch I popped the radio on.  The words “I have nothing if I don’t have you” being sung by the late Whitney Houston, struck a cord that belonged to my old life.

The life where I thought I would die when my partner walked out of the door.  I was left feeling directionless, hopeless, locked in pain and disassociated from everyone and everything around me.

I was fortunate enough to know that if I did something about my circumstances, I would survive and eventually thrive.  So I used all the resources I had available to turn my life around from thinking that if I didn’t have my partner, I didn’t have anything.

It was a journey of intense healing to come back to the one truth that matters most in life – a truth that we often only learn when going through the fire.  I would volunteer to go through this yet again to get the lesson.

The truth is that YOU DO HAVE EVERYTHING BECAUSE YOU HAVE YOU!

Who you are is enough and you are worthy of great love.  This is the belief that underpins the foundation of  a successful and happy life.

The reality is that most of us were doing really well before we met our partners.  Needing a partner is very different to wanting to share your life with someone.

Neediness comes from lack, from not feeling whole, from not living life in your fullness.

When you are in the state of neediness it is because you believe you are not getting the love you want from someone.  The reality is that your partner was only a mirror for that love because it flows inside of you and through you.  The best place to be in, to give and receive a great love, is to be ok without it.  You want to love your life regardless of whether you have a partner or not.

It’s about coming back to ourselves and living an authentic life we love.  It is really about finding our passion and purpose.  With or without a partner – loving life and what we do shouldn’t be any different.  Yes, I know that it’s wonderful to share that closeness and intimacy, to have someone who has your back, a partner you can depend on and cuddle up to at 2am when the thought monsters decide to creep in, but it certainly isn’t a necessity  to live a purposeful, rich and rewarding life.

Do you know what makes you most attractive to another? It’s when you are authentic, you love your life, you are confident, and you can connect emotionally.

In getting over my heartache and the idea that I had lost everything, I successfully used my own programme that I developed to help my clients heal their broken hearts – and I would like to share these four steps with you:

Clearing:

Clearing your space, body and mind.  Getting rid of the items that were part of your connection.  Putting away the photographs, clearing bedside tables and cupboards.  Perhaps blocking your partner on social media forums – not out of malice and spite, but to aid the clearing part of the process so you can focus on you and are not tempted to spy or stalk an ex on Facebook

Exorcising:

Getting rid of the beliefs and behaviour that have not served you in the past and that are certainly not serving you now.

It is important to take the first step to healing your broken heart by developing a new belief.  This belief is what will underpin the work you start to do.  “I have everything because I have me.  I am worthy of great love and joy”, is a superb new belief to fortify your foundation.

Living the Dream:

Finding your passion and purpose again as you start to embrace a life you love – doing more of what makes you feel good.  Feeling confident.

Practical Magic:

The tips and suggestions to how to find love again.  How to approach the world of dating:  The do’s and don’ts of connection.  How to show up as your exceptional self.

Should you find yourself in a place where you feel you have nothing or if you know someone in distress after the ending of a relationship, here are a few practical tips for coping with each day:

  • Find a professional coach or therapist to support you through the process of rebuilding again.

 

  • Stay close to your family and friends for support.

 

  • Get up and get dressed each day.  Read and/or listen to something inspirational and motivating.  Google / YouTube.

 

  • Exercise! Yoga and walking are excellent for clarity and releasing endorphins

Much love to you

Shelley xx

 

PS if you feel moved, please leave your comments and click to share

The 5 Foundation Rules for Success In Love

I am so grateful to have been mentored by my Aunt, Yvonne Doucha, who has spent over 60  years on a quest to find a spiritual path that resonates with her.  Along the way I have benefited so much from the many lessons and teachings of the great Masters that she has shared with me, even though at the age of 5 I didn’t understand that “what we resist persists” and often increases.

It all began for her in 1953 when she met the  now Zen Master, Albert Low. Albert then introduced her to “In Search Of The Miraculous” by Peter Ouspensky.  She continued her journey, meeting Krishnamurti, and then spending almost 30 years under the guidance of Leon MacLaren, the founder of the School Of Economic Science, and finally in the latter part of her life she has joined Sahaj Marg.

The Five Foundation Rules for Success help in searching for love.  They are not unique as they have been mentioned by many Masters, Guru’s and Wise Men through the ages in different languages, in different ways.  They certainly work, and because of my aunt making me aware of them,  I have always approached life with a very different perspective and attitude.

When I sit down to the very first coaching session with a new client, I always mention the “Five Foundation Rules”. These are the Five Rules that lead to great success, happiness and joy in your life when applied. Whatever you think will manifest in your life.   By desiring and deciding on a different course of action you can have what you desire.

1. What you Focus On Increases

Whatever you focus your attention on, whatever you think attaches to your emotions and creates the feeling.  We all know that wonderful great hair day feeling, the sun is shining and everyone is smiling.  It just gets better, and we feel happier.

The same is true when we are in a negative state, a state of worry, fear and pain.  When we sink into that pit of despair it just gets worse, and darker.  This state can last for days and for some people, even years.

If you want to improve your life you need to focus on what you want.

Whatever you think about and believe will become your reality.  Thoughts become feelings and the more you focus on your thoughts, the more you amplify the results you experience. 

2. No-one will be the way you want them to be

We can not expect anyone to be the way we want them to be.  They are unique and they behave in a way that serves them at the time, although very often it does not serve us.  We set ourselves up for great pain and disappointment when we expect others to be the way we want them to be.

3. No-one can make you feel the way you feel

How you feel is ultimately your choice.  It is true that we may feel angry, frustrated, or sad when we have experienced a disagreement, betrayal or broken promise in relation to another person.  We can hold on to these feelings of pain, or we can let go and choose to feel differently.  I know that this sounds so simple, but in reality it can be a really hard exercise.  It is so much easier to blame someone for how we feel, but this leaves you in a hugely disempowered state. Practice feeling happy, and thinking happy.

4. To The Degree You Take Responsibility Determines Your Success

By taking responsibility for your thoughts, your emotions, your actions, for whatever is manifesting around you and for whatever part you have played by attracting it into your life, you also take responsibility for increasing or changing whatever is or is not working.  It is being willing to take whatever action is needed to change whatever is happening.  Experience shows that people who take responsibility for how they feel are happier and more fulfilled, but it does come at a price.  You need to give up being a victim of circumstances and experiences.

5. If You Cannot Change It, You Can Change Your Attitude

So many times in our lives, things do not go as planned.  We can become full of bitterness and disappointment when we are unable to change what has happened.  The way to change our attitude when we are unable to change our circumstances is to change our thoughts.  All our feelings stem from out thoughts.  So much of this happens at a very fast, unconscious level and awareness of our thinking is critical to making these changes.  You can change your attitude if you desire and decide to do so.

 

It begins just by observing our thoughts and how often the negative ones take over.  When you become aware of the negative thoughts that become feelings, you can replace them with the positive ones.  This then changes the way we act and behave.  There are many ways to change your attitude, but this is the one I recommend the most.  This is not a wonderful, new discovery.  It’s been practiced by the Wise Men, Masters and Sages throughout the centuries.   It requires persistence and commitment, and it’s something we practice for the rest of our lives.  It is an opportunity to grow.

 

I always ask myself “How I can make this situation work for me?”  Another great question to ask yourself is “What can I do to change the way I feel?”

 

You are here for a reason and you have a purpose.  Happiness is your birthright.  Today is practice for tomorrow. You don’t need anyone’s permission to be happy.

 

Wishing you much joy and success.

Shelley

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Planting Trees and Creating Dreams

I am back in Cornwall writing my book, so grateful for some sunshine today. Somehow the words flow so easily with patches of blue sky above.

I would like to share with you a Chinese wisdom, because at the end of the day it’s about taking action to create what we want, a better relationship, home, job, life and world. Talking about it is great, maintaining action is what gets us there.

I know that many of you who are reading this, are going through a really hard time. You have lost a loved one, you are suffering ill health, a financial crisis and the future looks so bleak. It’s so easy to judge someone else who seems to have it all, however we never truly know how it is until we can walk a mile in their shoes.

Sometimes the only action we need take is an attitude shift.

The Chinese say, “The best time to plant a tree was always 20 years ago. The second best time is always today.” Funny how planting trees and taking action on the life of your dreams are the same that way.

It’s NEVER too late for anything. Just start!

 

Happy week friends

 

With warmth

 

Shelley

 

ARE YOU INVOLVED IN A SECRET RELATIONSHIP?

Are you involved in a Secret Relationship that is meeting one or more of your Six Human Needs?

Does it give you Certainty?  Does it give you Variety?  Do you feel Significant?  Does it meet your need for Love and Connection?  Are you Growing and Contributing because of this relationship?

We will very often compromise our Values to meet an unmet NEED.

The most important relationship we have on the planet is with ourselves.  Being honest with ourselves is vital in creating a life that we love and value.

We cannot blame anyone for how we feel, for our fears, our past, our issues, our limiting beliefs.  We cannot expect anyone to be the way we want them to be.  We can however, change our Attitude when a situation isn’t working for us.

If you are involved in a Secret Relationship with someone, ask yourself how it is serving you, and how is it not serving you.  Does it harm you?  Does it harm anyone around you?  What would happen if they found out?  Are you prepared to face the consequences of this happening?

There are choices and there are consequences, it’s the law of the Universe.  We’ve heard that  “What you sow, you will reap”, the principle of Cause and Effect and I really believe that there is no escaping it anywhere. Call it Karma, call it anything you wish,  I have personally experienced being on the receiving end of what I once upon a time gave out and made a firm promise to myself to only give what I would truly love to receive more of in my life.

Just close your eyes and for a few minutes imagine that if  tonight, as you were sleeping, a huge, wonderful life changing miracle occurred, and when you woke up tomorrow morning, your life would reflect this wonderful huge miracle.  Tell me, what would be happening in your life?  What would you be seeing, hearing, smelling and feeling around you?  Who would be in your life and what would you be doing?

What changes can you make right now to make your miracle life happen?  Take 3 things; write them down and TAKE ACTION TODAY.  Elephants are eaten bit by bit.  Relationships are healed little by little.  Awareness is the key to all change, and when we take RESPONSIBILITY for what is manifesting in our lives and stop BLAMING others, the first step is possible.

 

Wishing you success in creating successful relationships

Love

Shelley