YOU HAVE EVERYTHING

Depression

A lazy Sunday morning – my house is very quiet.  My son is away for the weekend, no mess, no noise – oh yes, I love the fact that my student son lives at home – and I also love the solitude and the reflective time I can enjoy when no-one is around.  I slept in this morning, a rare treat.  The torrential downpours made dog walking impossible.  In fact the dogs took to their beds in disgust so I have decided to indulge even more and spent the entire morning cuddled up in my duvet reading a great book. I love my life.  But I haven’t always been in this happy place.

When I finally surfaced and came downstairs to make a late lunch I popped the radio on.  The words “I have nothing if I don’t have you” being sung by the late Whitney Houston, struck a cord that belonged to my old life.

The life where I thought I would die when my partner walked out of the door.  I was left feeling directionless, hopeless, locked in pain and disassociated from everyone and everything around me.

I was fortunate enough to know that if I did something about my circumstances, I would survive and eventually thrive.  So I used all the resources I had available to turn my life around from thinking that if I didn’t have my partner, I didn’t have anything.

It was a journey of intense healing to come back to the one truth that matters most in life – a truth that we often only learn when going through the fire.  I would volunteer to go through this yet again to get the lesson.

The truth is that YOU DO HAVE EVERYTHING BECAUSE YOU HAVE YOU!

Who you are is enough and you are worthy of great love.  This is the belief that underpins the foundation of  a successful and happy life.

The reality is that most of us were doing really well before we met our partners.  Needing a partner is very different to wanting to share your life with someone.

Neediness comes from lack, from not feeling whole, from not living life in your fullness.

When you are in the state of neediness it is because you believe you are not getting the love you want from someone.  The reality is that your partner was only a mirror for that love because it flows inside of you and through you.  The best place to be in, to give and receive a great love, is to be ok without it.  You want to love your life regardless of whether you have a partner or not.

It’s about coming back to ourselves and living an authentic life we love.  It is really about finding our passion and purpose.  With or without a partner – loving life and what we do shouldn’t be any different.  Yes, I know that it’s wonderful to share that closeness and intimacy, to have someone who has your back, a partner you can depend on and cuddle up to at 2am when the thought monsters decide to creep in, but it certainly isn’t a necessity  to live a purposeful, rich and rewarding life.

Do you know what makes you most attractive to another? It’s when you are authentic, you love your life, you are confident, and you can connect emotionally.

In getting over my heartache and the idea that I had lost everything, I successfully used my own programme that I developed to help my clients heal their broken hearts – and I would like to share these four steps with you:

Clearing:

Clearing your space, body and mind.  Getting rid of the items that were part of your connection.  Putting away the photographs, clearing bedside tables and cupboards.  Perhaps blocking your partner on social media forums – not out of malice and spite, but to aid the clearing part of the process so you can focus on you and are not tempted to spy or stalk an ex on Facebook

Exorcising:

Getting rid of the beliefs and behaviour that have not served you in the past and that are certainly not serving you now.

It is important to take the first step to healing your broken heart by developing a new belief.  This belief is what will underpin the work you start to do.  “I have everything because I have me.  I am worthy of great love and joy”, is a superb new belief to fortify your foundation.

Living the Dream:

Finding your passion and purpose again as you start to embrace a life you love – doing more of what makes you feel good.  Feeling confident.

Practical Magic:

The tips and suggestions to how to find love again.  How to approach the world of dating:  The do’s and don’ts of connection.  How to show up as your exceptional self.

Should you find yourself in a place where you feel you have nothing or if you know someone in distress after the ending of a relationship, here are a few practical tips for coping with each day:

  • Find a professional coach or therapist to support you through the process of rebuilding again.

 

  • Stay close to your family and friends for support.

 

  • Get up and get dressed each day.  Read and/or listen to something inspirational and motivating.  Google / YouTube.

 

  • Exercise! Yoga and walking are excellent for clarity and releasing endorphins

Much love to you

Shelley xx

 

PS if you feel moved, please leave your comments and click to share

The 5 Foundation Rules for Success In Love

I am so grateful to have been mentored by my Aunt, Yvonne Doucha, who has spent over 60  years on a quest to find a spiritual path that resonates with her.  Along the way I have benefited so much from the many lessons and teachings of the great Masters that she has shared with me, even though at the age of 5 I didn’t understand that “what we resist persists” and often increases.

It all began for her in 1953 when she met the  now Zen Master, Albert Low. Albert then introduced her to “In Search Of The Miraculous” by Peter Ouspensky.  She continued her journey, meeting Krishnamurti, and then spending almost 30 years under the guidance of Leon MacLaren, the founder of the School Of Economic Science, and finally in the latter part of her life she has joined Sahaj Marg.

The Five Foundation Rules for Success help in searching for love.  They are not unique as they have been mentioned by many Masters, Guru’s and Wise Men through the ages in different languages, in different ways.  They certainly work, and because of my aunt making me aware of them,  I have always approached life with a very different perspective and attitude.

When I sit down to the very first coaching session with a new client, I always mention the “Five Foundation Rules”. These are the Five Rules that lead to great success, happiness and joy in your life when applied. Whatever you think will manifest in your life.   By desiring and deciding on a different course of action you can have what you desire.

1. What you Focus On Increases

Whatever you focus your attention on, whatever you think attaches to your emotions and creates the feeling.  We all know that wonderful great hair day feeling, the sun is shining and everyone is smiling.  It just gets better, and we feel happier.

The same is true when we are in a negative state, a state of worry, fear and pain.  When we sink into that pit of despair it just gets worse, and darker.  This state can last for days and for some people, even years.

If you want to improve your life you need to focus on what you want.

Whatever you think about and believe will become your reality.  Thoughts become feelings and the more you focus on your thoughts, the more you amplify the results you experience. 

2. No-one will be the way you want them to be

We can not expect anyone to be the way we want them to be.  They are unique and they behave in a way that serves them at the time, although very often it does not serve us.  We set ourselves up for great pain and disappointment when we expect others to be the way we want them to be.

3. No-one can make you feel the way you feel

How you feel is ultimately your choice.  It is true that we may feel angry, frustrated, or sad when we have experienced a disagreement, betrayal or broken promise in relation to another person.  We can hold on to these feelings of pain, or we can let go and choose to feel differently.  I know that this sounds so simple, but in reality it can be a really hard exercise.  It is so much easier to blame someone for how we feel, but this leaves you in a hugely disempowered state. Practice feeling happy, and thinking happy.

4. To The Degree You Take Responsibility Determines Your Success

By taking responsibility for your thoughts, your emotions, your actions, for whatever is manifesting around you and for whatever part you have played by attracting it into your life, you also take responsibility for increasing or changing whatever is or is not working.  It is being willing to take whatever action is needed to change whatever is happening.  Experience shows that people who take responsibility for how they feel are happier and more fulfilled, but it does come at a price.  You need to give up being a victim of circumstances and experiences.

5. If You Cannot Change It, You Can Change Your Attitude

So many times in our lives, things do not go as planned.  We can become full of bitterness and disappointment when we are unable to change what has happened.  The way to change our attitude when we are unable to change our circumstances is to change our thoughts.  All our feelings stem from out thoughts.  So much of this happens at a very fast, unconscious level and awareness of our thinking is critical to making these changes.  You can change your attitude if you desire and decide to do so.

 

It begins just by observing our thoughts and how often the negative ones take over.  When you become aware of the negative thoughts that become feelings, you can replace them with the positive ones.  This then changes the way we act and behave.  There are many ways to change your attitude, but this is the one I recommend the most.  This is not a wonderful, new discovery.  It’s been practiced by the Wise Men, Masters and Sages throughout the centuries.   It requires persistence and commitment, and it’s something we practice for the rest of our lives.  It is an opportunity to grow.

 

I always ask myself “How I can make this situation work for me?”  Another great question to ask yourself is “What can I do to change the way I feel?”

 

You are here for a reason and you have a purpose.  Happiness is your birthright.  Today is practice for tomorrow. You don’t need anyone’s permission to be happy.

 

Wishing you much joy and success.

Shelley

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Planting Trees and Creating Dreams

I am back in Cornwall writing my book, so grateful for some sunshine today. Somehow the words flow so easily with patches of blue sky above.

I would like to share with you a Chinese wisdom, because at the end of the day it’s about taking action to create what we want, a better relationship, home, job, life and world. Talking about it is great, maintaining action is what gets us there.

I know that many of you who are reading this, are going through a really hard time. You have lost a loved one, you are suffering ill health, a financial crisis and the future looks so bleak. It’s so easy to judge someone else who seems to have it all, however we never truly know how it is until we can walk a mile in their shoes.

Sometimes the only action we need take is an attitude shift.

The Chinese say, “The best time to plant a tree was always 20 years ago. The second best time is always today.” Funny how planting trees and taking action on the life of your dreams are the same that way.

It’s NEVER too late for anything. Just start!

 

Happy week friends

 

With warmth

 

Shelley